second hand excitement

Today I convinced myself that going to the bookshop was totally okay because I hadn't bought my brother's birthday present yet. (I picked his book from the pool of books that I wanted to read because the Best Sister Award is just not big enough to express the level of awesome sisterness that I am at.) I bought his gift in ten minutes. I stayed in the bookshop until it closed. 

As exciting as this tale is, I did not intend to write about how I found myself in the bookshop nor how incredible a sister I am. While I was trailing my finger down the spines of endless books and wondering if having watched Prison Break meant that I had a chance of successfully undertaking a bookshop robbery, I received a text from my friend (Lucy, in case you were wondering) saying that she was back into reading. In my personal statement I had referred to the quote 'A reader lives a thousand lives before he dies. The man who never reads lives only once.' and she continued to text that after reading this she too wanted to live many lives. That's pretty cool I think. I smiled a lot and it made me happy that she wanted to read more because goodness, how wonderful is reading? How completely and utterly squee-inducing is reading a book where you fall in love with the characters or reading a book where the characters fall in love? How wholly frustrating and thrilling and engrossing is reading mysteries and thrillers? 

Sometimes I think about how many books there are in the world that I won't be able to read and it's a little sad to think that there are potential favourites and life changers that I won't experience. It's a lot like everything else in life, really, and while I can accept that there are way too many books to read them all, not reading is something I can't really wrap my head around. It's this thought, how wonderfully inspiring or funny or lovely or sad or terrifyingly true books can be that makes me so happy that my friend is back into reading. I like the idea that she'll find a line or a handful of words in a novel that sticks with her or comes back to her at a later date. 

I am excited for her. This is my second hand excitement. 

After about half an hour I realised that we had texted about reading while I was in a bookshop so I decided to tell her that and it turned out that she had been upstairs of the same bookshop while I had been downstairs. 

I'm telling you, it's the power of books that makes the world freaking magical. 

All my love, Sadia x 

you have made my day

For the last couple of days I've been very conscious of the fact that tiny things make my day; a compliment or a smile or a chat. It's strange how a passing comment can make me smile all over again when I suddenly remember it at the end of the day and it makes me wonder if things I've done or said have made people's days.

I realised that the smallest of actions and words can fill me with a sort of happiness that lingers and leaks into my appearance; makes my eyes shine a little brighter and my back a little straighter. Just like a cruel comment can stay with you and seems to deflate your whole body, a nice one does the opposite (which you would expect in theory but it doesn't stop you being surprised at your own smile).

Perhaps I put too much of a weight on words because they may be empty in nature and intention but honestly, who cares? When the world is so full of suffering and unkindness, it's important to take every compliment and every kindness with open arms. It's even more important to give them because who knows, maybe you're the only one to make them smile today. I don't think you have to lie or force yourself to come up with something nice but when in your head you realise you really like her shirt, or you think that his drawing is fab, why not say it out loud?

I'm in a very happy (still very tired but nevertheless, happy) mood and it definitely shows but gosh, why not make someone's day?

“The world is full of nice people. If you can’t find one, be one.” 

- Unknown

All my love, Sadia x 

oh sugar, is that the time?

While I write these words, I should definitely be writing my personal statement for a little thing that I like to call my future. These words, these words you're right now reading, yup these very ones, should really not be existing. These words are very illegal words right now for every word that forms in my mind, every sentence that is being created should most definitely be towards not this, right here, but another piece of writing.

I think what I'm trying to do is find inspiration because at the moment, when I try to write 4000 characters about myself and why I am the appropriate choice for your university, I'm using the backspace and the delete keys more than a person really should. Inspiration, what a horrible thing you are; so elusive and fleeting.

For the last couple of weeks I have been freaking out and breaking down and studying and writing. I feel that these four things are not actions I will be taking a break from for a very long time and for some reason, that doesn't terrify me as much I thought it would. There's something thrilling and so wholly satisfying about completing something you've spent hours crying about. (That sounds a lot more weird typed out than it did my head.) I didn't really know where I was heading with this post but I guess what I'm trying to say is that I'm determined to succeed, or determined to keep moving forward, even if it means late nights wondering why some words come so easily and others just seem to evade me altogether.

I'm not sure if I've found my inspiration yet but I feel like I've found my motivation, and these words are still very illegal so... I'll catch you later.

All my love, Sadia x

just a little

For a teenage girl more than two weeks into my summer holidays you would think I would be doing more with my days than waking up in the afternoon, lounging in my pyjamas and losing myself in the world of fiction, either by picking up one of many books lying around (on the floor, the sofa, the bed, the bookshelf... on any flat surface) or by successively watching multiple episodes of Law and Order SVU. You would think. Mind you, there have been odd days where I woke up just before you can technically call it the afternoon, dragged myself to town and met a friend. I've only mentioned this to convince you that I have in fact left the house since breaking up from school but it's beside the point really, what I'm trying to get at is that I'm not particularly doing anything substantial with my summer days.

Now there are many things I could (should is probably a more accurate word) be doing, with University applications around the corner (gulp) I could (again, should) be writing by Personal Statement, I could (should) be trying to get a part-time job etc. but for some reason I seem to be in a state of denial. I started this post by saying that I am lounging but I think it's less lounging and more floundering. A couple of days ago I tweeted this: 

It's true. Strange hair image aside, I'm stuck in a bit of a rut, both overwhelmed by how much I need to do in the next couple of weeks and by the realisation that after these weeks have decided to come to a close I will be officially making choices that will truly affect the rest of my life. 

Damn. 

With that being said, I have decided that I want to get through this rut of mine. I've often made the mistake of going to sleep with the intention that I will do everything I haven't done in the past however many days the very next day. Today I am hoping that tomorrow I will make a dent, however tiny that dent may seem, in the things I should be doing (probably starting with the pile of summer work for school or perhaps that Personal Statement?). I have decided that I am going to do just a little tomorrow and then hopefully, after a week or so of doing just a little every day, I will see that I've actually done quite a lot. That's the plan, anyway. 

I guess I'll see you soon then, here's to doing just a little. 

All my love, Sadia x